Okay…I guess…by now, majority of the Beatles know what happened to me…. Guess many of you would wanna ask me “WHY?” but tried not to disturb me…..I appreciate all of guys thoughts….yes…I do need some quiet time as of now…..even though the whole matter is over….but in fact…. Deep inside….it’s kinda hard to forget & move on……
Guess….I been a pretty good actor for the past 3months & so….. nobody knows actually I been sliently worrying day & night ever since I was caught that day….. the only time I didn’t think of it….was when I am playing with u guys! And whacking hard on my own during training…..guess when u are shag u really can’t think…. Very true indeed….I hid this so well that not even my colleagues knows…..always go to work as per normal….. shockingly not even my nearest kin, my parents know…..during these period, only 3 of my closest friends knew…..whom I trust a lot, but as of now…. 90% of my friends should had known about this….this news started spreading like wildfire today…..I was very shocked when I knew this from my friend….. my sir called me this morning…he was very concerned about me and ask how am I….he thought I was jailed….yes very almost…. I was very very very lucky that I got a $2K fine….but in fact…the price I paying now is more than a $2K….it’s a lot more…fyi….the verdict was 2 weeks imprisonment or $2K fine….and for the past 48hrs leading up to the court hearing….as I was supposed to work on that day too…but failed to turn up for work and failed to contact them to let them know that I can’t turn up for work……coz my hp and belonging ain’t with me……they thought I “AWOL”…. it’s been kinda hell for me….or rather seen/experienced “hell” as a criminal….never would I thought I could be a criminal for 2hrs….before my close friend bailed me out….
The most difficult thing to do was breaking out the news to my parents….I really don’t know how to…… it’s till the day before the court hearing…the police officers advise me to tell them by tonight….coz I will be facing possible jail term…. Actually even way before this police trip….I already made 2 trips down to kranji camp to take my statement….1 more in the police station…. Total I told them a total of 4 entirely same stories in between these 3 horrible months…. When I broke out the news to my mum 1st…she didn’t scold me…..but ask me why wait till now then tell her…and ask me wat actually happened…..I told her I really don’t wanna let them worry about me…and I also don’t know how to actually break out the news…..
On Court Hearing day itself….it’s hell of a day that will stay forever with me…..personally was so panicking and tension is so high…but I tried to keep calm as I know my parents are feeling the same if not more…… I wanted this day to come sooner rather than lately as the feeling of waiting for the verdict is too long….worrying more and more each day…..but when the day came….and I knew that with a possibility of jail term awaiting me….. I just can’t accept it…..as much as I want a ending to the case……
1st time being inside the Court…my case was the 1st to be hear….when my name was being called….I was a bit lost…don’t know what to do…except standing up….but there was this guy who guided me…and throughout the whole thing….I did not said anything….coz previously…all the things I want to say is already stated down and the person helped me say it out…. So basically I was just standing in the middle of the court awaiting them finished reading my case, my parents are all along sitting behind…..I can feel what they are feeling…..it’s really terrible…..sucks….after reading out my case…the judge reviewed thru his own papers….and decided to put me on pending…. So I sat aside 1st….up came the 2nd case…..he is involved in some runner’s job + cheating a amount of money I think….the judge sentence him to 2months imprisonment + $3k fine…..and immediately after the verdict….. the policeman cuffed him up!
And seeing this….my mind really ran wild inside…..it could be me next! It’s so saddening to see people being cuffed up even though he/she committed a crime…….seriously…..that day the court had a couple of case… another was already 57years….. his offence was very serious…. He smuggle in cigars, bring in illegal immigrant…..got a couple of charges against him….total up of a whopping 30months imprisonment….. as he was already serving some other charges…he was all along being handcuffed….another case is funny….a blangalah….he came Singapore illegally….and in some incident he was caught….the judge keep asking him “why you fled at the scene of incident” for 3 or 4 times….the blangalah keep saying “no, I didn’t run away”….it was being translated by his indian interpreter……then judge ask for the final time…but the report mention you did ran away….. then the blangalah told the interpreter….”no…I didn’t ran away! I walked away….”
The interpreter was sighing away and was sian ½….and when he told the judge “sir, he said he didn’t ran away….he walked away….” The panel of judge/police all laughed in light tone….forgot his verdict…it’s quite heavy too…..he was going to cry, if not cry already…..last case is the most professional one…a angmoh businessman caught vandalism at change airport and was on a certain amount of alcoholic…..got a lawyer to fight for him…. His case was quite big…was on newspaper too….but the lawyer fight till….he got a verdict of $5k fine…..then before all these…the judge took a short break….( still got half-time one)…… when the hearing resume…. My case’s verdict is out….I really don’t know whether will I get to see the sunlight tml anot….thoughts went wild…..it’s like going crazy….and when the judge read out the sentence….he read out the 2 weeks imprisonment 1st….I was like omg…tat’s it….but then he read out the $2k fine after that…so in order to confirm again….I quickly asked the policeman beside me…..is it both or either one? When he said it’s either one….I had a huge relieve… the same for my parents….. and my dad quickly said……”I will pay”…….I really felt really really bad……=( and my parents went to pay for the fine…then I am allow to leave….
Experiencing Court as a criminal is seriously no joke, seeing people being cuffed, will feel sad for them no matter what they committed…. knowing that fate is no longer in your own hands….. traumatize till now….will never be forgotten….even though my case is “small” compare to the rest the cases……my case story is so short….the rest of the cases….super long one story……after everything ends….I still went to work as per normal….my work starts at 6pm that day….my colleagues still know nothing then…..but I guess, by now…all of them would had know….
Conclusion
STUPID, NAÏVE, NEVER THOUGHT OF CONSEQUENCES, GREEDY, FOOLISH….are just of the many few words that can describe me….. I hate myself for this…..brought it upon myself! I deserved it!
Truly regret it….. I don’t mind what is being exposed about me in the newspaper, radio, C.N.A….and I have no rights to complain….I am ashamed of myself…..
but what I am more ashamed of is……dragging my parents down…..letting them down……relatives called and asked them “why & why”……makes them so difficult to reply…….. and having my parents to pay for my silly mistake……and the fact that they didn’t scold me….makes me feel much worse….I disappoint them utterly……
LASTLY…..to all Beatles, don’t treat me differently after this….don’t show me any mercy on the field….scold or shout at me if I do any mistakes….don’t show me sign of pity…. I don’t deserve it…so just play your best against me….. I just want to play normally as my ownself…… if anyone of you got anything still wanna find out from me……just go ahead....tell me….I will tell you all……..no worries…..
THANKS to KENT and the TEAM for the email of encouragement! =)
Time will move me on…...it’s just a matter of how long…….
Btw….I won’t be able to join u guys for this week training….I got a 20km bike race….
I was so afraid that I won’t have the chance to race..…and actually took the race pack with me to the court and pass it on to 1 of my close friend who was there too ealier..….wanted to let other people race since IF I don’t get to race……..
So I will be joining back with you guys the following week! Or maybe will meet you earlier for some of the world cup matches that I keen to watch…..=)
